Being There / by An

I haven't been seeing much. Or looking much. And I know it is because I've neglected to pursue this project. So why the hell can't I do it? Lately I have been doubting and questioning my decisions about everything. School, commitments, priorities, people, jobs, life. Now more than ever I feel the pull between what I think needs to be done and what others are expecting of me to get done. Lately those two haven't been lining up. They're separate. And disjointed, and I can't find a way to make it all work. I have to chose, and choosing is scary. Uncertainty vs. comfort. Hope vs. stability. Expectations vs. reality. 

I just want to be like this guy: sitting and reading. I think in this moment he is in the moment. That's all anyone can ever do to understand where they are and what they are doing. I have no idea.